Sunday, March 4, 2012

8 years and growing fonder

You know the cliché, 
'Absence makes the heart fonder'?

I used to hate that phrase, cos that was what he used to console me with when we first knew that his job scope included flying around and sailing offshore...a lot.

To think of it, our 8-year relationship has always been sorta semi-long distance.

In the first few years of our relationship, we could only see each other every other weekend, and sometimes when he's busy with projects, assignments and exams, he'd only come home twice a month from Tronoh. That went on for three years.

One of the happiest seasons of my life was when he stayed put in KL for internship for 8 months straight :D That was really nice...knowing that he's around, reachable and well, just...available. 

Many have asked me how I cope when he's so often absent, and how our relationship could still stay so strong. Honestly, at the initial stage of his work life, I resented the fact that he was required to travel. 

It was a real struggle, knowing that this is a dream job for many...that he could do what he likes, not needing to do what he loathes (that is to sit in office 9-5), and also, what he's really good at. Plus, the pay is not that bad at all.

At the same time, I felt that it was unfair. To me.
All these years that we've been together, he had always been away. I didn't understand why I had to be the sacrifice of his job, why at the expense of myself.

I felt stuck, and it was truly a 'pekchek' feeling. I really hoped that he didn't have to always be away, but I couldn't exactly stop his from pursuing his career, robbing him of his opportunity to succeed. That'd be very selfish of me.

I just had to, well, make do with it.

Slowly, as he traveled more often and as time passed, it became less difficult to let him go. I learned that with every job, comes with it its very own requirements.

Just like mine, for example. My job requires me to ALWAYS plaster my face with makeup (even if it means waking up at 5.30am to wear makeup), wear 4-5 inch heels, stand long hours, and smile for the cameras (no matter how moody or unwell you are). Sometimes, I'm also required to dress to kill. Those are my basic job scopes. It may appear to be glamorous and easy, but trust me, it is not. It's bad for your skin, back, legs, and FEET! It destroys your body.

While for him, it is to travel. I came to understand that it is also difficult for him to be away from home. Traveling for work, especially to foreign countries alone gotta suck, and loneliness creeps in like an uninvited guest. No matter how positive you are, when you're alone for so long, you can't help but to feel it. That's when I realized that instead of being a burden, I should, instead, be a support and his cheerleader.

Now, does absence make our hearts fonder?

The answer is: Yes, yes, and yes.

I don't know if it works for other couples, but for us, it really does make our relationship more interesting. In a way, I feel that this is healthy for the both of us...for our individual growth. Whenever we're away from each other, we give each other space to grow, time to do what we like, and we work really, really hard.

I'd use the time to quickly rush my assignments so that when he's back, we can hang out peacefully. Besides that, I'd spend my time with my family, and catching up with friends, so that when he's back, we can hang out and stick together like glue :P

And also when he's away, I try to work as much as I can, so that when he's back and have his offshore leaves, we can enjoy the fruits of our labor together, eg: make trips and eat eat eat :)

Maybe this is me being optimistic. Maybe it's a change of perspective. Or maybe, I'm just consoling myself.

But whatever is it, I'm just happy that I no longer resent or struggle as much anymore. I still get really emotional when he goes off, but it's getting better each time. I've become stronger emotionally and more independent, but I immediately switch to my 'princess' mode when he comes back....automatically. Heh I guess some things won't change :)


After being away in Labuan for close to 3 weeks, he came back for a week, and has now flown off for approximately a month. Really sudden, but I've learned to manage expectations and accepted it gladly. To see and know that it's hard for him to leave me, is good enough for me. I'm assured...and that makes me okay :)

Of course, I hope that one day, he wouldn't have to travel so much anymore, and I can wake up to his face every single morning. But until then, we shall just try to love this cycle ;)

P/S: Thanks for working so, so hard, baby. Let's both work hard together :) To the future.
P/P/S: I know this is no wedding-related post, but it's just something that I wanna read back on this blog, in the future. Hope you enjoyed reading ;)